Lesson #23: How to Look Busy by Being Angry
Lesson #23 takes a lot of skill and I rate this a “Hard” on the Jobs difficulty scale. In order to pull this off, you may need to practice this at home before using it at the office. Being angry is the best way to make your boss and co-workers think you’re busy. I have spent 10hr days doing absolutely nothing yet seeming extremely productive using this very technique. The less you want to do the angrier you must act. One angry account executive at a bank in Nevada was so angry all the time he became the bank’s CEO in less than 6 months.
This technique is so difficult, I will write as I execute it and take you through step by step.
It is now 9am and I’ve been in my cubicle for about 20 minutes. I’ve ignored Steve, my cubicle neighbor, and have not replied to any of his annoying questions or attempts to say good morning. The first step here is for me to pound on my desk and say things like “where is that report I asked for?” or grab a stack of papers and say loudly “this report is all wrong, what are they doing up there?” I will then throw several papers up in the air and pound my desk again. The secret to this is not to over do it and keep it all inside. I’m very involved with my community theater so I’m an accomplished actor.
Ok, I just did step 1, I think it worked. You can gage your step 1 success by how many co-workers peaked their heads over their cubicle walls. I don’t stop pounding my desk and throwing papers in the air until I’ve made a big enough scene worthy of 4 peaking heads. I know I’ve done it right because even the Asian guy with the funny name across the office peaked his head out; and he’s a good 3o yards away. I can never remember his name, I think its Chow or Lee or something like that. I’m now typing angrily, shaking my head, and saying “this email is going straight to the top.” Now for step 2.
Step 2 begins with an angry phone call. You don’t have to call anyone specifically. Sometimes I call my mother, movie times, or the weather number. The goal here is to have an angry conversation with some one and make it sound business related. Sometimes I don’t call anyone at all and just have an angry conversation with the dial tone. If you work in an office building where your company occupies several floors, pretend to arguing with someone upstairs. At the end of the conversation hang up with “I’m coming over there and we’re discussing this face to face!” Hang up the phone forcefully, grab a stack of stack of papers and rush out of the office. Tell the secretary “wish me luck with these bozos.” I will now begin step 2 and report back to you.
It’s 9:45 now, and I just got back from meeting with Jeff our HR director. Apparently someone was offended when I called the “person” on the phone short, fat, and please go back to your country. Jeff wouldn’t tell who complained but it had to of been Chow in accounting except that I don’t think he’s that short. Is Tom Jobs upset with Chow or Lee or what ever his name is? The better question here is, does Chow realize that he’s not that short? I don’t know the answer to that questions. Part of my job as a Corporate Survivalist is to help others see themselves as I see them. I am simply a mirror of people and sometimes people don’t like what they see when they look at me. Asians are the hardest to mirror, they look so much alike.
As we close Lesson #23 I’ve accomplished to do nothing for about 2, 2-1/2 hours.
I’m Tom Jobs.
